joke

[EarlySpeed]

A plane with 4 passengers is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.


The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketballplayer. The Lakers need me, I can't afford to die." So he took the first
parachute and left the plane. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the
former President of the United States; I am the most ambitious woman in the
world. I am also a New York Senator, a potential future President and, above
all,the smartest woman in the world." She grabbed the second parachute
and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, Rev. Billy Graham, says to the fourth passenger, a
10 year-old school boy, "I am old and I don't have many years left. As a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last
parachute."
The boy said, "It's ok; there's still a parachute left for you.
America's smartest woman took my school backpack.
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[DickyW]

 

[EarlySpeed]

Cleaning out my email inbox--stumbled across these--some are good

> > These are basics you already know...but it pays to
> > review.
> >
> > Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make
> > sure you are
> > removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull
> > on it. If it comes
> > out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
> > > >
> > The easiest way to find something lost around the
> > house is to buy a
> > replacement.
> > > >
> > Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive
> > anyway.
> > > >
> > There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and
> > the dead.
> > > >
> > Life is sexually transmitted.
> > > >
> > An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other
> > toys.
> > > >
> > If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then
> > who is the fool who
> > said "Quit while you're ahead?"
> > > >
> > Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which
> > one can die.
> > > >
> > The only difference between a rut and a grave is the
> > depth.
> > > >
> > Get the last word in: Apologize.
> > > >
> > Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day;
> > teach that person to
> > use the Internet and they won't bother you for
> > weeks.
> > > >
> > Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good
> > for anything, but
> > you still can't help but smile when you see one
> > tumble down the stairs.
> > > >
> > Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying
> > in hospitals dying
> > of nothing.
> > > >
> > Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder
> > these days no one talks
> > about seeing UFOs like they use to?
> > > >
> > Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
> > > >
> > All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
> > pays no attention to
> > criticism.
> > > >
> > Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
> > dollars and a
> > substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
> > > >
> > In the 60's, people took acid to make the world
> > weird. Now the world is
> > weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
> > > >
> > Politics is supposed to be the second oldest
> > profession. I have come to
> > realize that it bears a very close resemblance to
> > the first.
> > > >
> > How is it one careless match can start a forest
> > fire, but it takes a
> > whole box to start a barbecue?
> >
> > AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all
> > these terrorists
> > -- most of them came here legally, but they hung
> > around on these expired
> > visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now,
> > compare that to Blockbuster;
> > you are two days late with a video and those people
> > are all over you. Let's put
> > Blockbuster in charge of immigration.